Sunday, June 12, 2011

Silhouette



They say that a place is only as good as the people in it.
I guess it’s the same for every other thing.

If there is anything to be remembered tonight,
It won’t be the flowers or the candles.
It won’t be the dress and silver shoes.
It won’t be the fancy wrappers.
It won’t be the pasta and pastries.

Tonight, her heart is supposed to be palpitating--  
As if something she seek for a very long time is finally in front of here.
As if something is seen for the first time.
Like something is terrifying and adorable at the same time
She is scared to go near it, but she wants it.

How could something be so close yet so far?
It’s in front of her, but she can’t reach out for it.
Every day, it’s drifting further and further.
Does nobody know that it was all it takes to complete the night?

It was the only part she wishes to remember.
She sees and hears a lot of things. Beautiful things.
But what she remembers is what’s not in it. 

Saturday, March 26, 2011

I Need Time


I need time 
For myself
To totally let go of the past
And to start again.

I need time
To fix what needs fixing
To make my heart whole again
To heal.

I need time
So I can love again
Without holding back
Without reservations or partiality.

I need time
To be able to say that
When I give my heart, I give my all
And say it proud.

I need time
To make myself whole again
To give as much love as I can
To make loving worth it all.

I need time
So that should I love again
I’ll be fair to the person
And my love will be pure.



Tuesday, March 22, 2011

You Know What's Real?

Do you know what is real?

It’s the tap on the shoulder
You feel the weight when it’s there.

It’s the fingers entwining
A grip that doesn’t easily let go.

It’s the smile you witness
Intentionally shown in front of you.

It’s those words that you hear
Coming from somewhere close.

It’s when you walk along
And you have to slow down,

Or it’s when you complain
That you can’t walk as fast.

It’s when you get to say a lot of things
And at the same time you’re happy listening.

It’s when a face occupies your mind
Anytime, anywhere, and you don’t stop.

My heart is real.
My love is real.

And you know what else is real?

She is real.
Your love for her is real.
What she is and what she'll be
Is everything I will never be.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

This Voice in My Head: Talking to Myself

What do you like?                                                                                 
I don't know. Anything?

What do you like not?
Everything?

Are you scared?
I don't know. Why would I?

Anything bothering you?
Everything does. Confused, I guessed.

What's your concern?
Not knowing what to do and not knowing what I should know.

Anything too hard to solve?
Well, I know I cannot stay. But I don't know where to go either.

What do you want to do now?
Shun these thoughts. They are creeping in my mind.

What are these thoughts?
Can't define. But they bother me too much. I don't know.

What do you want to do with them?
I want them to go away.

Why?
Because they are not healthy for me. They make me less normal.

Don't you want to just fix them?
I wish I could. But they're untreatable.

How many are they?
Too many. It hurts to think all of them altogether at the same time.

Give me an example.
Well, what's gonna happen if I stay in bed all day?

And?
And I won't give a damn about those funny schoolworks.

More.
Will I ever be happy?

Aren't you happy?
I don't know. Why should I ?

Why should you not?
I don't know.

Anything else?
Am I broken? Or I'm just empty?

What do you think?
I don't know. I'm more of being tired.

Why would you be broken?
I was hurt.

By whom?
Can't tell. They're faceless, but too many in number.

Ok. So, why would you be empty?
Actually, I wanna be empty. It's a condition I want to be.

Why?
I'm so occupied with bothering thoughts. I want to get rid of them.

But I thought you can't.
I know. That's why I thought I should be the one moving instead.

But if you go, you will leave everyone.
It's fine. Sometimes I have to travel alone.

Won't you miss them?
I will not forget them. I will just expand my horizon. But not forget my origin.

But you can't go too far yet.
I know. That's why I sleep.

Why would you sleep?
Well, if I'm unconscious, I tend to forget everything. For awhile, I'm free.

It does really hurt, doesn't it?
I don't know. I got used with the pain. I seem numb to it.

Wanna cry?
I can't. Tears don't fall anymore.

Scream?
I don't know. I tried, but it hurts too much I don't know what to say.

How do you feel now?
I don't wanna feel anything.

I'm fine.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Collector's Item



   If I would wish of anyone to follow us here, it wouldn’t be you. Specifically, I would want that guy to be here and not you. But what can I do. That guy is always busy, always choosing school chores over people. And if he was here, he would be on the other room right now and already deeply asleep. Moreover, anytime, anywhere, he would not look at anybody because he’s stubbornly into her. 

                It’s not that I am affected of his feelings toward anybody. And it’s not that I miss him right now. No, it’s not like that at all. It’s just that I would rather have him beside me and not you.  

                Anyway, you’re here now. 

                Maybe it’s the full-blast air conditioner. It made both of us realize that it is wise to spread the blanket up until our shoulders. We’re leaning against the wall and the laptop is on the other side of the bed. Windstruck is on the screen.
                *something cute happened here*


                The sun was already peeping on the window when we decided to sleep. And yes, all the while I was a bit amazed that your phone didn’t keep you so occupied.
                Then we woke up. I was the first one to leave. I have no reason to stay there anyway.

               
                Thoughts poured over me like raindrops over ceiling-less house—they keep on coming. I thought of what happened months before, of the things I said that I should have not, and of the things I should have said but didn’t.  

Well, just days ago you wrote something. It was about you breaking somebody’s heart and that somebody breaking yours. And now, you want both of you to fix things. It’s not that I feel obliged to react on that but I found it an interesting topic to discuss. It’s not every day that a guy would openly admit his naughtiness and try to improve his lifestyle, you know.
Anyway, there are just so many Somebody in your life. I don’t know if there really is that one specific person that you want things to work out right now. And I won’t know if you’re being sincere. Nevertheless, as a woman, let me tell you these things…

You’re not as evil as you think you are. You’re capable of being serious on only one woman. I know you know that, and you had done that already. You just have to find that one person who can keep your attention altogether just for her. And when you find her, concentrate just to her. 

When you find her, treat her well. Tell her you love her and tell her all the time. Commit to her and don’t make your relationship a secret. Not everybody is given the opportunity to shout to the whole world their feelings to somebody. 

You know, no matter what you had done, no matter what other people think and say about you, and no matter how difficult you seem to love, if she really is into you, she wouldn’t mind. She will accept all of you, support you, and help you make your life better. 

Find that woman. And when you find her, keep her and only her.

Maybe you feel proud of the collection you had made. Really, not everybody can make such an achievement. But if I were you, I would rather feel frustrated and retarded. Somehow, I am familiar of that feeling when you’d met a lot of people in your life already yet up until now, you’re still left unsettled. It’s supposed to be frustrating, you know. 

So, gather yourself together. Choose to be a better person. Be a loyal lover. Every woman deserved to be loved only sincerely and faithfully. 


Anyway, thank you for clearing up my mind. Because of you I realized that as of the moment, I would rather be that guy’s friend than be anybody else’s girlfriend. 

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I'm Moving

Last night, I spent some time reflecting what it is that I truly want at this point of my life. It seems like I’ve been taking for granted my decisions. Seems like I’ve been diverging away from what I planned beforehand.


Yes. For awhile I wanted change. I wanted to see the other side of the world. I wanted to know if I could be something else. I wanted to break the monotony of what seems to be a routinary life of mine. I wanted to feel alive.


Suddenly, I felt I lost my true intentions. Or was it necessary to change my dreams? I guess it was just proper to desire change because anyway, it was a little girl who formulated those dreams yesterday. Now, she has grown up and she has to realize that there are more relevant things that need to get done.


I wanted to believe that I have not lost my way. I wanted to believe that whatever twist I am feeling right now is a necessary step towards reality, towards maturity.


And there is this funny question that lingers in my mind: wherever I wish to go from here, do I go there alone?

Of course I ask for help but I taught myself to stand on my own two feet. I had walked alone.


Life for me is a journey and I know that along the way, I will meet a lot of faces. And I watched those people special to me just pass by. Sometimes, I felt like I was left behind. Or was it me who went ahead?


A friend of mine, Dr. Bear :P, told me to move forward. Well, here I am. :)

Monday, January 24, 2011

The Window


The first time I saw you,
You were always looking outside the window.

I learned to look at you.
I looked at you as you looked outside the window.

Now, I don’t see you.
I am looking outside the window.

I want to wake up one day not looking at you,
But not also looking outside the window.