Ghost in my Closet

Recently, I run to a question: 
If you are given 24 hours to spend however you want, and money is not a concern, what would you do?

Sleep. My instant answer was sleep.

I paused for 3 seconds, became aware that my answer may not be enough to satisfy the huge possibilities that the question may offer. I tried to think "average". If I were a normal person, what would I do?

Hmm. Think again.

24 hours of self-indulgence for FREE.
Think again.
Maybe go to Disneyland?
Or a Caribbean holiday?
Shopping in Paris?
Or hunt ghost castles in Denmark?
Denmark. Denmark.

No. I still want to sleep.
Sleep.
Cuddle in bed.
My bed. That bed. That room. That place.
Make absurd ghost hunting strategies in that bed.
Someone will laugh on my ideas but I don't care.
I'm going to hunt ghosts and I know I'm not going there alone.
I will talk about ghosts until I fall asleep.

How fast things changed.
I said I won't count because it's harder to let go that way.
So, I won't remind myself that for 19 months, things were different.

It's amazing how people can just walk away like that.
We used to talk about ghosts and now, he's just a ghost himself.
It only shows how little they truly care all this time.
Or maybe, they just care too much on something else.

To call it love is an overstatement.
I just know it was able to lift people high enough and make them change their minds midway.
It's threatening how people can make something look so magical and yet fake at the same time.

Coffee Thoughts

It's 2 pm and I'm in a coffee shop, alone, thinking what if you were here right now, with me. 

 You won't allow me to sit in front of you. You want us to sit right next to each other. So you either ask me to sit beside you or, in times when I want to play stubborn and refuse to do so, you would sit next to me.

 You would wrap your arm around my waist. Instinctively, I would lean on your shoulder. Or you chest.

Every now and then, you would look at me, or hold my chin up.

I would know then what is coming. I would close my eyes and we would kiss.

 You would hold my hand. Entwine the fingers. Or squeeze them a bit. Sometimes I wonder just how many hands had you held. I just fight the thought away.

 Sometimes, when I see you standing a meter or two away from me, I would walk towards you and wrap my arms around you. I try to fit myself with you like a lego, or a jigsaw puzzle.

As if you are the missing part of me and hugging you would make me feel complete.

Yes, I don't only feel safe with you. I feel... complete.

 We would take turns embracing each other.

But my favorite is when you would hug me from behind really tight so I can hear your heartbeat.

You make me feel alive.

 I would go wherever you would take me.

And if only I could forget the world, I would do everything for you. In all forms. In all corners of the town.

I would kiss you like you ask me to-- like I mean it.

I would let you kiss me without me holding back, without me pulling off a little, without me gently pushing you away.

 But we know each other so much already that we can't help but to keep our guards up.

You have shown enough to convince myself that you're as warm as the summer. Well, you're only summer. I need all seasons in my life-- the cold winter, the gloomy fall, the hopeful spring.

I have lived enough to know that I will be alright without you.

 So here I am. Waiting for somebody else to fill your place.

Like I said, I'm not mad or sad. At least not anymore.

I will use love to make me a better person. 

I mean, by showing me what is not, I knew what it is.

This thing between us, it's not it.

Doors Closed

I remember those nights when I would crawl to your bed.

talking all night and talk more till early morn.

watching movies over and over again because there are parts I can't move on.

pouring mango juice in champagne glasses and spilling them everywhere.

My point is...

you didn't have to close the door so hard

you should have just talked to me instead of leaving notes on my desk.

you missed my 20th and forgot the 19th.

you must have been really busy 'coz it took you awhile to say "sorry".

Well, I did something great today and I wish you were the first to know.

I miss having dinner with you.

I still have thousands of complain why life is unfair and you should hear them out,

and unlike what you think, I do get sad too.

I told myself then that I'll burn this place just to keep us warm.

now I have to reconstruct a lot of things 'coz every step that I'm about to take from here,

you're supposed to be in it.

the silence here is too much already it is telling me that either you or me won't make it.

I'd rather be out here totally than spending sleepless nights waiting when to hear a knock on the door.

I've packed up my things and I'm returning you the key.

and maybe you'll say that for someone like me, this is just another ordinary day.

however, maybe this time, it's not just about me.

you're holding back 'coz you're chasing so hard your priority--

that makes you just another face in history.