I Need Time

I need time 

For myself

To totally let go of the past

And to start again.

I need time

To fix what needs fixing

To make my heart whole again

To heal.

I need time

So I can love again

Without holding back

Without reservations or partiality.

I need time

To be able to say that

When I give my heart, I give my all

And say it proud.

I need time

To make myself whole again

To give as much love as I can

To make loving worth it all.

I need time

So that should I love again

I’ll be fair to the person

And my love will be pure.

. 

You Know What's Real?

Do you know what is real?

It’s the tap on the shoulder

You feel the weight when it’s there.

It’s the fingers entwining

A grip that doesn’t easily let go.

It’s the smile you witness

Intentionally shown in front of you.

It’s those words that you hear

Coming from somewhere close.

It’s when you walk along

And you have to slow down,

Or it’s when you complain

That you can’t walk as fast.

It’s when you get to say a lot of things

And at the same time you’re happy listening.

It’s when a face occupies your mind

Anytime, anywhere, and you don’t stop.

My heart is real.

My love is real.

And you know what else is real?

She is real.

Your love for her is real.

What she is and what she'll be

Is everything I will never be.

This Voice in My Head: Talking to Myself

What do you like?                                                                                 

I don't know. Anything?

What do you like not?

Everything?

Are you scared?

I don't know. Why would I?

Anything bothering you?

Everything does. Confused, I guessed.

What's your concern?

Not knowing what to do and not knowing what I should know.

Anything too hard to solve?

Well, I know I cannot stay. But I don't know where to go either.

What do you want to do now?

Shun these thoughts. They are creeping in my mind.

What are these thoughts?

Can't define. But they bother me too much. I don't know.

What do you want to do with them?

I want them to go away.

Why?

Because they are not healthy for me. They make me less normal.

Don't you want to just fix them?

I wish I could. But they're untreatable.

How many are they?

Too many. It hurts to think all of them altogether at the same time.

Give me an example.

Well, what's gonna happen if I stay in bed all day?

And?

And I won't give a damn about those funny schoolworks.

More.

Will I ever be happy?

Aren't you happy?

I don't know. Why should I ?

Why should you not?

I don't know.

Anything else?

Am I broken? Or I'm just empty?

What do you think?

I don't know. I'm more of being tired.

Why would you be broken?

I was hurt.

By whom?

Can't tell. They're faceless, but too many in number.

Ok. So, why would you be empty?

Actually, I wanna be empty. It's a condition I want to be.

Why?

I'm so occupied with bothering thoughts. I want to get rid of them.

But I thought you can't.

I know. That's why I thought I should be the one moving instead.

But if you go, you will leave everyone.

It's fine. Sometimes I have to travel alone.

Won't you miss them?

I will not forget them. I will just expand my horizon. But not forget my origin.

But you can't go too far yet.

I know. That's why I sleep.

Why would you sleep?

Well, if I'm unconscious, I tend to forget everything. For awhile, I'm free.

It does really hurt, doesn't it?

I don't know. I got used with the pain. I seem numb to it.

Wanna cry?

I can't. Tears don't fall anymore.

Scream?

I don't know. I tried, but it hurts too much I don't know what to say.

How do you feel now?

I don't wanna feel anything.

I'm fine.