Coffee Thoughts

It's 2 pm and I'm in a coffee shop, alone, thinking what if you were here right now, with me. 

 You won't allow me to sit in front of you. You want us to sit right next to each other. So you either ask me to sit beside you or, in times when I want to play stubborn and refuse to do so, you would sit next to me.

 You would wrap your arm around my waist. Instinctively, I would lean on your shoulder. Or you chest.

Every now and then, you would look at me, or hold my chin up.

I would know then what is coming. I would close my eyes and we would kiss.

 You would hold my hand. Entwine the fingers. Or squeeze them a bit. Sometimes I wonder just how many hands had you held. I just fight the thought away.

 Sometimes, when I see you standing a meter or two away from me, I would walk towards you and wrap my arms around you. I try to fit myself with you like a lego, or a jigsaw puzzle.

As if you are the missing part of me and hugging you would make me feel complete.

Yes, I don't only feel safe with you. I feel... complete.

 We would take turns embracing each other.

But my favorite is when you would hug me from behind really tight so I can hear your heartbeat.

You make me feel alive.

 I would go wherever you would take me.

And if only I could forget the world, I would do everything for you. In all forms. In all corners of the town.

I would kiss you like you ask me to-- like I mean it.

I would let you kiss me without me holding back, without me pulling off a little, without me gently pushing you away.

 But we know each other so much already that we can't help but to keep our guards up.

You have shown enough to convince myself that you're as warm as the summer. Well, you're only summer. I need all seasons in my life-- the cold winter, the gloomy fall, the hopeful spring.

I have lived enough to know that I will be alright without you.

 So here I am. Waiting for somebody else to fill your place.

Like I said, I'm not mad or sad. At least not anymore.

I will use love to make me a better person. 

I mean, by showing me what is not, I knew what it is.

This thing between us, it's not it.