3am Thoughts

I can't sleep. 
I try so hard to sleep already. I can't.
I think that is enough explanation why I ended up scribbling this.
It's 3am anyway. My mind is entitled to whatever clutter.


Part I.

              Does Obama sleep? Yeah he does, silly. If I were Obama I wonder if I could sleep at night. I mean normally I could not sleep until 3 or 4am but if I were him, my sleep deprivation might be worse. I'm not referring to Obama per se but to a hypothetical dedicated, sincere, committed leader. I do hope he is all that but come on. It's easier to get in his POV than our president (no offense) because he is 1.familiar to me. 2.He has history to qualify him in this 3am musing of mine.

            So yeah. It's overwhelming. How could I sleep when I know my children are being kidnapped somewhere. Women being trafficked. Student massacres. Beheading everywhere. Somebody's dying of cancer or whatever. Dogs burning, tiny fetus being forced evacuate from the womb, hungry people, hungry children, homeless people, broken people, it's raining somewhere and someone is shivering from hunger and cold maybe I should go out to give someone an umbrella and a cup of hot chocolate. People hating each other. Religion. Politics. Society. Nah you're ugly. Nah you're stupid. Nah you're dirty, tiny, too big, silly, go away. It's a disaster out there. I try not to over-think but I feel it. If I were Obama, I would be telling myself that I owe these people protection. And comfort. Care. Even now that I'm not Obama, I feel it. Sometimes I tell myself maybe this.. pain.. is psychological. This tight sharp pain in my chest is but customary and imaginary. Can I say that I'm so sad my stomach hurts? or my leg hurts? Instead of saying that my heart feels like shattered to thousand of pieces, can I say that my foot joints seem to be amputated and dislocated to thousand of pieces? Ah. That would ruin the metaphor of fragile sincere pain. Or would it not? who cares if I romanticize my foot? okay. Shut up wendy. You sleep na please

Part II.

             Draw a heart emoticon on your chest, just above to where your heart should be, take a pic of that and send it to me. Dont be like them boys that send pictures of their d*** saying, "you make me hard like this". when I say Im not a one time fuvk, I dont want you to say stuff like, "it's okay I'll fuvk you over and over again/several times/whatever similar quantitative plural. Instead, ask me what I want to eat. I'll tell you, marshmallow. The soft ones. I'll share them to you ifyou say please. Just pls dont be predictable and boring and consistently sharing the fantasy of others. I want you to dream of somethng more worthwhile. Tell me you want to travel cities or countries and not just my body. Say something I've never heard before. Or say something similar but say it differently. Like I could listen to your eyes and believe in your hands. I'm hungry right now. Again. Probably appropriate to call this hungry confessions.