They said guys are just simple creatures. Well, he is as simple as a guy could be. He is extremely down-to-earth. If he appreciates something, he says it. If he finds something repelling, he says it too. We are not really that close then but one day I started a conversation with him and that's how this all begun. He told me then that he had a girlfriend just recently. He willingly narrated to me how they met, how he courted her, and just how amazing the girl is.
She is a very simple girl and I kind of expected that because like I said, he is a laid-back kind of guy. He added that the girl is a bit "boyish" and it gives him the impression that she is not weakly and overly sensitive like most girls are. That she looks really pretty even in just her t-shirt. That she is morena but he always prefer morena anyway. And that the girl is living and studying far away.
She's My Perfect Girl
Him: So tell me. What should I do to make her happy?
Me: It's simple. Know what she likes and give it to her.
Him: What she likes? Like give her flowers?
Me: Maybe. But not every girl likes flowers. Know her interests. Tell me, what are the things she likes?
Him: She knows how to cook, she is still studying, she can play basketball..
Me: No, not just that. Not just the things she does but also the things she wants. Like me. I like to read. I love books. So, what is her kind of music? Does she prefer going outdoors or just watch movies in bed?
Him: I don't know.
Me: You don't know? Do you even know her favorite color? Or her birthday?
Him: I don't know about that too.
Me: Wow. That's sad. Things like that are usually important to girls.
Him: Do you want guys to know your favorite color and birthday?
Me: Not that I mind. I don't usually tell them upfront. I wait for them to ask. And it's very rare that somebody would ask. I mean, they're petty things. But if a guy cares to know small details like that, it's big deal.
Him: Right. I should ask her. So, generally, what do girls like?
Me: The usual stuff. Be loyal. Be sincere. Make her feel appreciated. Which reminds me, you're LDR right?
Him: Yes.
Me: So, how do you cope up?
Him: What do you mean?
Me: Maybe you should text or call her often. A "good morning", "I love you", or "I miss you" message everyday would mean so much.
Him: I don't do that. She knows I love her anyway so why should I tell her about that all the time?
Me: You have to not just to remind her but to convince her that you do. You do not stop the chase when she said "yes". Otherwise, it'll be like you're just taking her for granted. Nobody wants to be taken for granted.
Him: Wow. Girls are so demanding.
Me: It's not being demanding. It's us finding a "difference". I mean, with the things you said, I could infer that she
is a strong and independent woman, right?
Him: Yes, she is.
Me: And you are her first boyfriend. You see, she could survive with or without you. She had been living like that for a long time. She does not need you to do things for her. She just need you to be there. She has to know, or feel, that it makes sense letting you in her life. Make a difference not necessarily by changing her but by making her feel that this time, she would he happier. Do I make sense?
Him: I understand. Wow. You know so much.
Me: Lol. It's just common sense. I mean, she could wait a little longer for a "better" guy. Or she could leave you and find somebody else. But she chose you. She believed in you. You should at least respect that. Make her feel she made the right decision. Believe me, if she's really into you, she will do the same. Or much more.
Months later though, I learned that they broke up.
Somebody Broke My Heart
Him: I'm immature.
Me: Wait, did she told you that?
Him: She didn't. I just feel I am.
Me: And why?
Him: I'm just not emotionally prepared to be in a relationship.
Me: Oh. Tell me what happened.
Him: I don't know. All I know is that if you will find a girlfriend, you should not love her so much.
Me: That doesn't sound right. What's the point of all that if you won't love her that much?
Him: Don't get me wrong. I know what love is. I'd been in love. But it does not feel like that now.
Me: What do you mean?
Him: I just want to feel.. scared. Like if I see her, I shiver inside. Like I have so much to say to her but when I see
her, I forget how to speak. Like I want to do things with her but when she's with me, I cannot move. There's something.. There's something about her like she does not do anything at all but her smile is enough to make my day.
Me: You had a girl like that?
Him: Yes! My first girlfriend. She was perfect. Or so I thought she was. She's really pretty. No, she's beautiful. She's very kind. She's even a sacristan. She's a perfect girl but then.. but then..
Me: But then?
Him: I have this standard and she fitted in perfectly but she did something that made it so low.
Me: Like what?
Him: She.. She.. I saw her kissing her ex-boyfriend! Now tell me. Why is that?! Tell me!!
Me: Maybe it's not her who is the problem. Maybe it's the situation.
Him: No! She's the problem! why would she do that?! It's her ex already. I was a good boyfriend. I'm in varsity. I'm smart too. And that guy.. Why would she be with a guy like that?!
Me: You feel like she just underestimated you?
Him: Yes!
Me: Like she cheated on you, betrayed you, and just used you?
Him: Exactly! And I thought she was a good girl but I was so wrong!
Me: And that you're the better guy but she chose the other one instead?
Him: Yes! Why would girls go out with bad guys?
Me: You see, I have standards too. I don't like guys who smoke. But what if I fell in love with this guy and later
I realized he smokes? Would I just move on and forget about him 'coz anyway, he does not fit in with my standard? What if I tell you that no one is perfect? We all have imperfections and dark sides. I will love him more than his imperfections. But no, I will not tolerate him. However, I will not leave him. We will work together to make each other better persons. I cannot demand that he stop smoking. But if he cares for me, he will try to quit. It's about compromise. It's about giving the other one a chance. And unless you find someone really worth the shot, you would give up so easily. Don't be scared to give your all. Take the risk. You'll never know unless you try.
Him: I'm not scared. It's just that nobody really reach my standards.
Me: Maybe it's not your standards. Maybe you're just being careful this time. Like if a girl could reach your standards, it means that girl has less potential of hurting you. And you're mad coz your first gf chose the "bad guy". Well, maybe she does not see him that way. Or maybe, she can see him more than what is labeled about him. You see, us girls, we don't really care about your accomplishments, your IQ, or the things you can do. Sometimes it's about how you can make us feel. If she loved him despite his "dark side', then I think there's something great in it.
Him: Still I would not give my all. I loved once and look what happened? I will not do it again.
Me: Just because you're hurt once does not mean you have the right to hurt other people too. In fact, it should even motivate you to treat other people better. I mean, you've been hurt and you know how bad it feels. Don't make other people feel bad like that.
Him: But what she did was unfair! I didn't deserved that.
Me: Instead of being bitter to everybody, why not reward all the good things to somebody?
Him: What do you mean?
Me: For instance. There were guys who broke my heart too. You know, things that would make me sad. But no, I won't toy with anybody's feelings. I won't stop loving. I would continue to improve myself so that when the "right guy" comes, I'll also be worth it. I'll treat him really good it's like I'm telling the "other guys" that if they only treated me well, they'll be king like him. Do you get the picture?
Him: Yes.
The teacher arrived with the test papers so we have to cut our "talk". Nevertheless, I'd like to tell him that..
Some people are worth the second chance. Or the third. Or the fourth. Or all the chances in the world. But some are better
not led on from the start. And it's not just about finding the right person. It's about being the right person. And
"goodbye's" don't have to be bitter or sad. Sometimes we need spaces to grow. And sometimes, we are better with other people.
We are still young. Take your time. Beautiful things take time to build. Goodluck!
To end this, I want to clarify his stereotype on girls.
I Hate You. I mean, I hate girls like you.
Him: You always post sexy photos in FB.
Me: I wasn't aware of that. They were not intended to come out "sexy". Maybe it's just you who finds them like that.
Him: No. You have pictures with your back exposed.
Me: Well at least it's just my back. Others have their boobies popped up.
Him: Still it's flesh. You know, Ramon Bautista said that a true Filipina should be covered up.
Me: So I'm not a Filipina?
Him: You still are. But girls should not be slutty.
Me: So I am slutty?
Him: No. But I still prefer girls who just wear t-shirts.
Me: I'm sorry I don't wear t-shirts like that.
Him: I like girls who are simple too. No make-up.
Me: I can't survive without my lipstick so yeah.
Him: But you're still pretty without your make-up.
Me: Uhm, thank you? But can't you see.. I am the total opposite of your "ideal" girl but it's me that you get to talk to with almost anything. You hate girls like me but you're here so whatever.
Him: Yes but you still have sexy photos.
Me: Look at me. Do I look slutty?
Him: No.
Me: Do I act slutty?
Him: No.
Me: Do you see me flirting with just anybody?
Him: You sweet-talk me.
Me: Lol. I never did. We're friends talking about your obstacles in life.
Him: Yeah right. I was just kidding.
Me: See? My point is, do not judge a girl by the way she looks. I mean, you're kinda retarded but I still make friends
with you. Haha
Him: I'm not retarded!
Me: Yeah. You're just an extremely intelligent guy who does not have common sense. Fair enough.
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