I told nobody else about what happened in my dorm that one afternoon of October. I wanted to keep your privacy. I thought you don’t want that kind of thing to be exposed to anybody else though I know you would tell some of your really close friends.
But you sent a GM about it. And you sent it to everybody except to me. You cried, you were hurt, and you expected something yet you were disappointed. You told them these things and a lot more. Well, if that is your way of coping up, it’s fine. I understand that some people feel better by expressing themselves openly. We share a circle of friends. Before telling me the narration you sent them, they asked me first my side of the story. It’s a relief that our versions match.
However, if I were you, I would rather not do that. I believe some friend of ours told you already why. And it’s because…
If you cried, somebody caused you to do it. If you were hurt, somebody hurt you. Somebody disappointed you. Believe me, our classmates are too smart to know that should you feel that way, it’ll be because of me. I'm not trying to cover my actions. I am truly sorry for making you feel that way. But understand it was not my intention to do so.
I am not trying to be defensive. But there were people who made me feel bad too. And most of the time, I cared for these people, I trusted them, I respected and, and even loved them. When things get tough for us, I would rather discuss things with them rather than whine to everybody. I want to settle things without me appearing as the victim and them as the bad guy because anyway, I have my shortcomings too.
So maybe I really am the bad guy between the two of us. But believe me, I tried to keep my manners altogether to settle things properly. Anyway, let me tell you these things…
I want to discuss things to you personally and not just through texts or phone calls. It’s more just than being polite. It’s being sincere. That’s why I asked you to come over my place. I heard you were still telling your friends how down you feel. I felt things were still hard for you. I wanted to talk to you to know which part is still not clear. I want us to still be good friends at the end of the day.
You are not supposed to count the chicks till all the eggs are hatched. Remember, I only told you that I wanted to talk to you. You told your friends that maybe I changed my mind and now I’ll say “Yes.” Later, when you realized I still decline, you asked me how you are going to go back to them now. You seemed to guarantee them that things are better already when you return.
You said I am killing you twice. I already said “No” before and now I’m saying “No” again. Actually, I said “No” over and over again because you keep on repeating the same awkward question. You’re making things hard for me too by making me break your heart over and over again.
Don’t beg. As someone said, “feelings don’t change just because you force them”. You said you liked me since first year. Well, I have been liking this certain guy since first year too. And you know what? If there is one thing I would ask him to do, I’d want him to seek what can truly make him happy. I’ll set him free and watch him fly. If you care for someone, you don’t push yourself to her. You should rather help her realize who or what can truly make her life happy and help her get there.
Don’t compare yourself. You’re an awesome person too. You keep on insisting about me and that certain guy. I told you there was nothing between us. Well maybe there was a little something but you shouldn’t compare yourself to him. People are special in their own ways. You’re intelligent, talented, responsible, thoughtful, and a wonderful guy yourself.
Pardon me if you took my joke seriously. I already told you, right, that it was just a line from a move—Betty Cooper. I told you the same thing that was said in that movie: One day, if we’ll meet again and we’re still single, I’ll marry you. I shouldn’t have said that.
Lastly, I already told you I am leaving this semester. You ought to understand that I went to a lot of discernment before I decided over this. You’re making my departure hard for me if you’ll make me feel that I’m leaving behind somebody who would never forgive me.
Thank you for everything. Thank you for cheering me up when I was down, for the hand-outs, prayers, patience, tutorials, and friendship. Thank you for making me feel special. Thank you.
I know you’re mad at me right now. But I really hope that one day, you will understand. You are a wonderful guy. I know that soon enough, you will also find your wonderful woman.
God bless!
